You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
