My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
