fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
