You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
