she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
