i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
