i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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