weddingsv make me drug and hornr
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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