Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
