Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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