Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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