I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
