The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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