My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
