Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
