Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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