whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
