I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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