She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
