I'm going to jail i love you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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