I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
