The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
