I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
