Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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