Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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