Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
