i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
