That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
