The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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