Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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