I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
