tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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