what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
