dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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