Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
