Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
