I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
