oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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