I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
