I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
