i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
