Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
