I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I will pee on everything he values.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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