I'm drive I can fine osifer
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Randomize
