I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
