Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
