This is not my ceiling
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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