from now on my penis is your penis
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
NoShamevember. You game?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
