Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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