oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
