Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
