I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
