I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
