I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
