Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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