i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
